the need to be numbed.  ive discovered the road but after i lost the keys.  i have to start running.  destination known but the paths not complete.  completely, complete me.  held back to hold on (so wrong) lost out now its gone. communication, interpretation, desperation.  i was pushing against an open fence.  now stuck and stiff unwilling to quit, digging deep while one end is lit.  how is it so possible to defeat and turn and neglect the things and the people we love and need.  how do we come to places where words don't mean a thing and actions aren't allowed to breath.  be careful about being careful - they cant see in your soul.  let it out all the time and take it and give it, you cant rewind.  showing is the telling, telling lost its strength.  but you cant show unless someones looking.  don't find it all when you no longer have the place to put it, because forgiveness is different than turning away.  there is no moving on, only a lying darkness and a wishing pond.  and if you choose to lie, you choose to die.

the answer to happiness is that there is no answer.  stop looking.  don't wait.  just dive into passion, creativity, and kindness.  let yourself smile while you can.  maybe thats the answer.  you could be gone tomorrow, they could be gone tomorrow.  follow your body and heart.  fight for what that brings you and don't give in to the rules and the 'answers'.  don't be scared.  this is all we have, find your own truth.  don't follow some iconic or idealistic quote or song or book or movie, because chances are you're only lying to yourself to feel contentment - just to find and have an answer or comfort for your situation. (you may as well calmly and blindly settle into a religion).  every single situation is different and unique.  and don't follow this.